Random Thoughts

Ugghh.. Why Does This Happen?

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As most you of know, I am a music major here at this great institution of higher learning but what some of you might not know is that I have no musical background what so ever. I have been mixing for a five years and know what things should sound like, its like a gut instinct. Other than that, I really can’t read music or sing, even though I can match pitch, but that as far as my musical abilities go.

Why am I bring this up? Today at chapel a student spoke and one things from the entire speech stayed with me….. “Was I meant to be here?”

Its odd, I remember applying to at least six schools as undeclared all over CA and I only got two letters back both saying that I was a Music major with a business minor. Was it Gods’ will? Or where they just lost in the mail? Or did some one hide them from me? I don’t know.

Over the last month I have been contemplating on either going to Full-Sail and getting a real accreditation as a audio engineer or staying here at APU and being a music major or changing to something else.

So today, all day though long and hard about life and everything and decided to stay here because it seems like the most logical thing seeing that my life is practically her; my fam and I are working this out. ?Then I am blinded sighted:

I check my mail and behold, a letter from Full-Sail, saying that I just need to show up on Jan 4th or the 25th. I don’t need to apply or pay anything it all taken care of. I don’t need to mention that this has confused me once more.

There is also another option… a Sabbatical from school (take a break while still holding my spot and need not reapply to the school) Go to Full-Sail, finish in a year come back and finish the rest of my BA.

A prof I have this semester said that there are three things someone needs to be a great musician; 1) Brains 2) retention 3) talent. I am able to figure things out and I can retain things very well, but I lack talent.

I am here faking to know music. I am good at hearing and know what is right and what is wrong. I was never instructed properly in music. My parents frown on my decision to study music, seeing that my father is an accountant and my grandfather was a banker before; somehow everyone thought I was going to be a business person. I am good at numbers and stuff like that, but who wouldn’t if your father was an accountant. So I am here paying for school out of my own pocket and doubting what I am suppose to do. When I went back home two weeks ago, I talked to my Pastor and I was advised to take Psych but it seems that was very bias advice seeing that the church needs a counselor and I could take that spot. It doesn’t seem like something I would do.

I have been thinking about CBA (cinema and broadcast arts) seeing that I have some experience with film editing and making promo spots for youth services at church but do I have the right talents for it.

This are just “random rants from a young audio engineer.” The name of my life story, if I ever do something worth while, that’s what I would like to name my autobiography.

So what is out there? Why am I so tired? Is it time for me to throw in the towel?

I dunno, but I wished I did.

P.S. I know this blog has not structure and might be hard to read. I just feel like crap Dunno why? But I do. so I’m just writing and try to convey an idea, not well but at least I tried

Thanks to all those how give a crap and read this.

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