I was talking a to few family members that in about a year or so I will be moving from LA to Barcelona and a particular family member laughed, hard. While most of you have notice I rarely talk about family… it’s just not something I really think about. It’s more like something I deal with than really care about. You might also know that I have fairly tough skin, meaning that not a lot gets to me. I am usually good at brushing things off. Yet, for some reason, this got to me… it’s probably a sore spot, or just me showing that I have soft underbelly.
But as I reflected on why I was upset, I notice a lot about my circumstances… What does it say about my family were I have better communication with friends than with them? What does it say were I rather be with friends? What does it say about my family were I rather live nowhere near them? What does it say about my family were they rarely care for my hopes, dreams and aspiration? What does it say about my family were I am the one the keeps diplomacy yet I am the one that is usually casted aside?
As I dwelled on these thoughts… I came to the conclusion that in reality these people are not my family. Yes, these are the people I have lived around for some time. Yes, these are the people that ‘raised’ (and I used this word very loosely) me. But these people don’t want what is best for me or what I want. They only see what’s in their best interest. I would have understood if they were a bit saddened by my decision but ultimately supported me, but someone to mock, laugh at ones aspirations… That’s the end of the line.
It’s these actions and many countless others that show me that me moving away is probably the best thing for me.
I moved away when I was 17 for a reason…. I came back and tried to establish a relationship with these people. They are the ones that have shown me that I am not supposed to be here or care.
It seems like I have been able to find a family in friends rather than friends in my own family…
This might have sadden others, but for me… it just gives me another reason to continue on my journey.