Recently I’ve been busy… very busy. Work had basically taken over my life and while some of my friends have notice, it really hasn’t been a big deal. I have little responsibilities in immediate personal life, and don’t have a steady significant other or a child of my own. So while I was putting in 16 hours days, I didn’t have to apologize for missing dinner or not tucking the little one in.
I’m fortunate. I’m very much a beta male. I’m timid. Introverted. But in even as a beta male, I’m have alpha tendencies. I’m extroverted. Very competitive and have to be the best. I understand that this is an oxymoron. Welcome to my life.
While talking my co-worker, which is 12 years my senior, he asked what was next for me, as the project we are working on started winding down. I’m the youngest person in my department. He is appreciative that I have been able to step in to handle various “hats” but he thinks that I should look for greener pastures.
This is true. I have this affinity with knowledge, but not only that, I want and need new challenges. I am able to work effectively because I need to fix the problems. I understand that this stems from a character flaw, but fuck it. Even if it means learning a new coding language (I learned a scripting language to be better at QA, effectively making myself an extra QA Engineer and not to mention my previous knowledge of Objective C). I do this because I care about the project. I care about my work. No one will ever know that I pushed for a graphic to have a 2 pixel drop shadow instead of a 1 pixel. No one will know that I spent time doing the math to make sure the scrolling physics was correct. But the user will have a great product.
Work is something I spend a lot of time on. I want to do my best, and when it’s done I want to top it.
I need to be better. I need to be not only my best, but the best. Because of this, I am leaving Line 6.
Why leave a this job without a next one lined up? I feel like I’ve out grown my skills for this position. I enjoyed building tools and coding, talking about UI and the product as a whole. But these skills are very rustic, basic. By leaving I am giving myself sometime to work and develop these skills. Learning to code better will become my job. I notice that is a way of burning a bridge and by doing so I force myself to grow. Too many people clocking in and out of a job they don’t love, they don’t enjoy and become bitter. I’m too young to become that. I want something and I have halved ass it for while. I now want it to be my only priority. So I burn this bridge while standing in middle forcing myself to move forward. This can be for the best or the worst, only time will tell.