Random Thoughts

Something About Me…

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So chapel on Friday was about letting people into your life and sharing what one is struggling with. So let me share.

I have been currently struggling with a very big decision, which not only affects my life but the life of someone else. For those that don’t know, Christine has been considering giving up playing concerto piano and dropping out of Julliard to come to LA; study at a normal 4 year school, to be with me. This seems like a great thing, but its not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that she is willing to give up her dreams and hopes to be together. But I won’t be able to live with myself I would let her do such a thing, seeing that I am one of those people that follows his dreams and hopes. I cannot crush her hopes and dreams.

So because I didn’t want to deal with this I haven’t talked to her for about two weeks. Tonight I decided to talk to her and just get it over with. I had to call half of Manhattan to get a hold of her. But after about an hour and a half of calling everyone I knew she called me.

I have done many difficult things in my life, but this really took the cake. I had to break up with and try to sever all ties with her so she can be happy. I don’t want to the jerk that makes her give up her dreams of playing for symphonies and philharmonics across the world, so we can see if this relationship can work out. I completely understand that some people will think that I am crazy to give up someone that beautiful, and I agree. You can see a picture of her in one of my albums here on Facebook. She is a very stunning girl, but what is even more beautiful is that she is a God fearing girl that has very wholesome values, with a golden heart. That’s what made this so much harder. I really care for her. So much so that I actually said those three words, those three word that everyone wants to hear.

For some, this isn’t a big deal. These word don’t have any value to them, but for me, these words are very valuable, and I rarely say them to anyone.

I Love Her. But because I love her I cannot permit her to do this. I may end up alone in life but it doesn’t matter to me anymore as long as Christine is happy. I told her the truth, I told her how I feel, I told we can’t be together. She is currently unable to get back home to Texas for Thanksgiving but I had some money wired to her friends to give to her. I know her friends, and they will do a great job of helping her through this. She will be around family and friends during this and I only pray that she understands and forgives me for this. I had to do it, for her sake.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. After the conversation was over I threw my phone into the wall.

I don’t know how I will be the next few days, I am currently on sedatives to control my violent nature. I ask for those who care enough to pray for Christine. I will be fine. Hopefully someday.

Thank you for your time

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