I’m finding myself not able to write as much as I did in the past. In the past months so much of it has happened, so much has change, yet so much has stayed the same.
I’ve had this blog since September of ’05 when I started it on Blogger, then grew up to WordPress.com and ultimately to a self-hosted blog on Media temple using WordPress.
Even though I’ve had this blog for that long I still don’t have a clear direction of what I want or should write about. When I was in school I was able to discuss those things but now I find it difficult to talk about work without either sounding pretentious or extremely vague. There are a few factors why that is, mainly because I work under contract with a NDA (Non-Disclose Agreement), basically a gag-order. I’m fairly young and work in an area where I shouldn’t know this much about the industry yet because of the way my mentor taught me, I am able to understand the complexities of what my work entails. I’m fairly good at it, even though it has completely nothing to do with what I went to school for. Yes, it’s music related but barely, if that. It’s not my passion, but it pays the bills, anyone that lives in LA knows that that really isn’t an easy feat.
Why bring this up?
Talking to friends and when introducing myself to new people, I’m finding it hard how to describe my occupation without being a tool or being exceptionally vague.
Then, there are other things on my mind, such as the need to sensor myself. There has been a lot of talk about the demise of personal information on the internet. I frankly believe that once something is posted online it becomes public domain. Sure, there can be watermarks and what have you, but as soon as you post something online post it’s there for the whole world to see, be it on facebook, twitter, a personal blog. Employers are understanding the importance of such social media and have made great strides in doing background checks on their employees, now that even covers what you do online and what you say about your work on blogs and forums.
A lot of people hark that it’s invasion of privacy, which is debatable. I personally think that if it really that personal you shouldn’t post it online. Simple and efficient.
I can’t discuss what I do, some of my friends have expressed concern because there was a few weeks when it seemed that I had dropped of the face of the earth. Others have question the various trips I have been since my return to work in February. While being a somewhat of a private person I am finding it hard to be less than forth coming with details on work with close friends; people that I consider almost family.
A concern that was brought to my attention is that when I am in any project/work I dive 100% in. That becomes my life. I become invested, heart, mind and soul. It’s the only way I know to achieve the level of my satisfaction.
February was just brutal for me… sometimes leaving the office at 10-11 pm only to be back at 7 am to continue my work. During that time I rarely had time to write, for personal use. I usually write a lot more that what I post. I usually just shelve a lot mainly because I don’t think that I am the most eloquent writer, and if your going to read something I would prefer it to be something of substance, thought provoking, an experience to share, or a life lesson to pass along. Of course, I am guilty or using this as a medium to rant and a bit of bragging… and trust me I am trying to find the tone of what this blog should be.
I’m not sure if this type of writers block has anything to do that I’ve been using on twitter more frequently, if it’s just writers block, or maybe a way to stop and think of the direction of where I should go with this blog, and the possibility of just closing the blog.
When I started it, it was ‘Random Thoughts’…. but of what, I have steered clear of political stance, I have one post on the financial sector, and if you read thought you rarely see when I am in a relationship or not.
It’s not a journal just to have… I want to convey something…. sadly it seems that this job has been something a burden that is keeping me from expressing myself to my full potential. Sadly, the job is here to stay, until August at least.
In the next few days I am going to take some time and read a few of peoples blogs and hopefully I can get an idea of where I want to go with my writing. If not, I will start taking actions to end the site; for those that have read this for sometime I rather have an end that just let it die.
Ideas would be much appreciated. Thank you for your time.