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As a music major that has 11 classes, is involve in choirs, and that works freelance in this city I call home I rarely have time for time for myself much less sleep. This weekend was been one of those that one might say was very overwhelming. I have been doing some PR stunts ever since the notification of my probation in “The Society” went public. Luckily I was able to put a spin on things before things came to the light about my situation with “The Society.”
For the time being I will be doing a few pro bono projects in which I will demonstrate my talents, capacity as an audio engineer and why I am the youngest Senior member. this take a great deal time out my life and seeing that I’m attending a university full time does not help.
Saturday I was contracted for a project that usually take two to three days. I got together with a friend of mine that owed me a favor and lock ourselves in the recording studio for 26 hours straight. To say the least, I was impressed that I was able to do that and also that I didn’t want to kill my friend after this whole ordeal. After that I came back to school and tried to enjoy a UCO concert which for the most part was awesome, until I got a phone call to come in to do some work on four audio tracks. Usually a eight hour job so I call up another friend to help me. I was there in less than an hour and we where finished in about three. Done and done with week one of PR stunts.
Came back home and tried getting sleep with no avail. So what the next logical thing to do, take sleeping pills. Two hours later and they still haven’t kicked in.
But I have been having such a trip. Laying on my bed remembering the first day of kinder and meeting Christine for the first time, becoming friends, and then her moving away. It seems that last week bunch has affected me in some way. I tried to clear the air the most I could. I tried to keep my own personal agenda to myself. Sure there are lingering feeling toward her, I have known her for quite sometime. But it just not meant to be at this point in time.
Is it hard to move on? No not really. Is it hard to let go? Yes.
Some people have asked me what I talked to her about, but as i said before, what was said is between me and her. People have asked me what the ring on my hand means. So tell you the truth, I’m not sure anymore. I originally got it as a promise ring to remind of a great person that i have on the other side of the country, but now I jut wear to remind me of what I had.
Why is it so hard to be happy?
Is this why I can’t sleep?
Am I trying to confront myself into admitting that I have a wound that still has not been healed? Or am I saying that enough is enough and it’s time to get back on the horse?
I dunno, but as I keep typing I discover different points of views of myself. Maybe it’s time to stop focusing on what I want and more on what I need. I think what I need is rest. rest from my life.